Who me? Not unless Bishop Bailey intended for me to reply to his Nov. 4, 2007 "tag" any sooner. But, I have good cause! Someone as complicated and deep as myself needs time to sift through all the details to find the six most amazing things about oneself.
1.
Public Restrooms. They disgust me. When I was a small boy (younger and THINNER) grandma told me that public potties were gross. She even taught me how to build a "nest" with toilet paper so that my extremely clean hind-end would not touch the tainted porcelain of the public latrine. To this day, I still struggle with public restrooms. In fact, I go to great effort to locate "acceptable" bathrooms. For example, at the dental school, there are a total of 8 floors with restrooms. I've assigned a security clearance for each bathroom. And, within each bathroom, I've identified a stall or urinal that is "ok" for me to use. And, because I'm sure you're interested, you should know that I will under no circumstances use the restroom on the clinic floor (Floor C). If my bladder was going to explode or if my intestines were bleeding, I would wait for the elevator. My favorite bathroom is located on the 4th floor. It seems to get the least use and is usually the cleanest. However, if someone is occupying the adjacent stall when I enter the restroom, I will go to a different restroom--I just can't stand hearing other people's noises during a bowel movement.
2.
Fans. Love 'em. One of my favorite things in the world is to go to sleep with a fan in the room. There is no better way to sleep than in a nice dark room with a fan on "High Speed" to drown out everything else. It is especially useful if you have a two year old that is a poor sleeper. Unfortunately, Annie hates fans. Every night when we go to bed, I turn the fan on "High." Then, reflexively, she walks over and turns the fan down to "Lo." I feign a surprised look, and then I walk over and turn it over to "Medium." She sighs and makes some comment about how "slow" I am, and that she "hates" the fan. Sometimes, if she's in particular mood, she'll tell me that the fan makes it so she won't be able to hear if some kidnappers break into the house and try to steal the kids. Sadly for her, this little bit of psychology doesn't affect me.
3.
Shaved Legs. I was at the gym this week, and I noticed that all of the guys that were in shape had hairless legs. I looked down at my legs and was reminded of my half man, half werewolf appearance. The endorphins (or something) must've been flowing, because I decided it was time to trim the foliage. After the workout, I came home and jumped in the shower. An hour later, Annie was knocking on the locked door wondering if I was alive. I emerged to show her my shaved leg (not legs). It had taken me over 45 minutes and 2 razors to shave my right leg from ankle to waist. But, I still needed to shave the other leg. Later that night, I improved on my method. I got out the hair trimmers and pre-trimmed the left leg. This time I was able to shave my entire leg in 15 minutes. It's been 4 days now. And, the endorphins are gone. Now I have two very shiny, white legs. My legs are cold all the time. When I wear pants, my legs stick to the fabric nonstop. And, every time I get the goosebumps, it feels like I'm rubbing my legs against cacti.
4.
Wedding Day. On my wedding day, while I was sitting on the bench just outside the chapel in the Idaho Falls Temple, I got a terrible case of cold feet. I started thinking of how insane I was to be getting married. I wondered what my father-in-law would do if I chickened out! Then, Annie walked through the chapel doors. She looked amazing and beautiful! After that, it was easy.
5.
Odd Jobs. Here is a list of all the jobs I've had since I was 12: paperboy, bagger at a grocery store, lifeguard, plumber, painter, building framer, milk stocker at a grocery store, stock broker, tax accountant, MTC teacher, MTC computer support, Website creator, shipping and receiving at a hardware store, Taco Time, waiter at a comedy club, drafter, women's coat salesman.
My favorite was lifeguard. My least favorite was milk stocker at a grocery store. I don't think I need to explain why.
6.
Socks. I love new socks. I prefer Hanes with the gray toes and heels. Nothing better than when I open up a brand new package of socks on Christmas and my birthday. In fact, my in-laws have caught on to my love for socks and buy me socks for every occasion. However, it was not always so that I loved socks. Between the ages of 11 and 14 I didn't like to wear socks at all. I'd wear sneakers every day, summer or winter, without socks. After a few months, a pair of shoes would smell so foul that friends and family wouldn't let me into their homes. In fact, for most of 7th grade, my feet stunk so badly that during PE the entire gym would smell like my feet. Some people don't mind their own smell, but other people can't stand it. I couldn't figure out why my feet smelled so badly. Strangers would actually buy me sprays to put on my shoes and feet. Eventually, I started wearing socks again. Now, I have friends again. Thank goodness for socks!
I tag Kendall, Matt Nielsen, Chris Drew, and Eric Blair.
